Lately I've been going through this book and devotional called Lady in Waiting, it goes through the story of Ruth and her journey from being a widow to marrying the man of her dreams that God set aside for her. I bought it 2 years ago and hated it, so I put it away. Now that I've picked it back up, I realize that when I bought it wasn't ready to receive the message of the book. I thank God for making me keep it and for putting it on my heart to try it out again. It has really made me rethink and establish boundaries and forces on my motives behind things when it comes to guys.
A little background about my love life...I've had one boyfriend, when I was 18. It lasted 2 months. I ended it because 1, I was a little terrified to be in a relationship and 2, I think I subconsciously knew that he wasn't the guy for me. Not that he wasn't a good guy, he was great; just not who God has for me. So aside from my 1, very short relationship, I haven't had any "official boyfriends". I've been kissed a few times, I can count them on 1 hand (if you don't include my stage kisses). Besides that, zip. Most girls wonder what the heck I'm doing, and for awhile I would say that no guys have liked me or at least told me they did. While that may be partly true, I know now that it was all my doing. Ever since I was about 14, I was told that God had a different path for me in terms of guys. All my friends were in and out of relationships, while I stood on the side and watched. At first it was just that way not by my choice (at least that's what I thought), but as I look back now I see that I never wanted relationships like my friends had. Yes, I longed for a guy to hold my hand and tell me he liked me, but not in the way my friends were experiencing it. As I got older, I still had those same longing for a special guy friend, but I chose to make my standards high and not budge. I'm sure people thought I was crazy, I'm sure they still do haha. But I am so thankful for the strength God has provided me to stick with my decision. I have no regrets.
Now back to Lady in Waiting. As I'm working my through this book, God is just solidifying even more that I made the right choice years ago. And on top of that, He's challenging me to take it even further, creating more boundaries and really cherishing my singleness.
I am terrible at flirting; anyone who knows me well will tell you this. But that doesn't mean I don't try and I have certainly fallen into the category of "girls who play games". I know how to manipulate certain situations, all girls do and we ALL do it. That's one thing I've really taken a look at because of this book. Every time I go to text a guy friend, go hang out with a guy 1 on 1, or anything involving a guy, I try to check my motives. Every time. Even if it's a guy I'm not interested in as more than a friend, that doesn't mean he may not be interested. As a sister in Christ, it is my job to protect my brothers and not lead them on. Intentionally or unintentionally. So I check my motives. I can't tell you how much this has changed my decisions to text or hang out with guys. Of course I still stumble and struggle with this, but I've definitely been working on it and getting better with God's help.
I've also been learning to really cherish and value this time I have as a single woman. There are so many girls out there who would do anything to be in a relationship or get married. There are times I've felt pretty desperate, like I need to take matters into my own hands cause I'm running out of time. Running out of time?! Now, that sounds so ridiculous to me. I'm 24 years old, I have so much time! The God I know is not bound by time and age and circumstances; so why am I treating Him like He is!? This time in my life is for me and God; to grow in love, maturity, humility, patience, and so much more. I am certainly not ready to give that up to a man and a family. There is so much I want to do and places I want to see before I even think about settling down. And lets not forget the standards I have set...if I want a man as amazing as Boaz, I better be making sure that I am a woman who deserves that man. I need to use my single life to prepare for that, to let God mold me and chip away at things that don't belong in my life. Some woman may feel like they are ready to get married but their prince charming has not come along yet; this may be true ladies, but also remember that God is having to mold and make your man right for you as well. So if Boaz hasn't come along yet and you feel like you're ready, be patient, God may still be preparing him for you.
I'm not really sure my point in writing this...I guess to encourage my sisters in Christ (and myself) to wait patiently, have faith, and fall more and more in love with God in the meantime. This is a journey, not a quick fix and you're ready. It takes time, but I guarantee the process and the waiting will be worth it. It's already been more than worth it for me and God isn't finished yet. I can't wait to see what else He has planned!